Op-ed submission by Project 21
Our nation’s capital exemplifies what America can become, but not in a good way.
Results from the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey finds abysmally high percentages of single-parent households in underprivileged neighborhoods.
As the District of Columbia is a special federal enclave under congressional control, it presents a perfect opportunity for the newly-elected conservative majority in the U.S. House of Representatives to provide leadership.
According to the government data, 74 percent of households east of the Anacostia River — among the poorest in Washington — have only one parent. Only nine percent of those are headed by men. In similar neighborhoods in the rest of southeast and in northeast D.C., single-parent households are in the majority.
Some might read this, shrug their shoulders and skip to the next headline. Besides, it’s largely seen as a Hispanic and African-American problem. But these children, in danger of repeating the cycle of illegitimacy, affect everyone’s quality of life.
Out-of-wedlock childbirths in the black community may approach 72 percent, but it’s not just a black problem. According to a 2009 report from the Centers for Disease Control, the birth rate for unwed mothers rose 80 percent overall since 1980. The rate among white unwed mothers rose 14 percent between 2002 and 2006, while only nine percent among blacks. Hispanics topped the charts at 106 unwed births per 1,000 unwed women in 2006. Ron Haskins of the Brookings Institution notes the traditional family values commonly attributed to Hispanics deteriorate among American-born generations.
Is America headed to a place where the two-parent family is an abnormality? Will the “family” itself become a relic like westerns and black-and-white television?
There’s already a dubious definition of what it means to be a mother, father, grandmother or grandfather that considers many as only “caretakers” and “guardians”. A mother, however, is not just a noun. Fatherhood has carried with it reverence and esteem. But fatherhood is now fading into oblivion along with the household role of the male.
Frighteningly, and with frivolous abandon, the term “baby daddy” and “baby momma” are no longer a childish vernacular reserved for the likes of “Saturday Night Live.” They are becoming a colloquial description of a child’s inception and ancestry.
Single-parent households can also cause gender and role confusion. Already, distinguishing the differences and uniqueness of being a man and being a woman is fading. Diluted gender qualities have manifested into an apathetic culture concerning the need for family.
When men feel less need to be a patriarch and women are more ambivalent about marriage and commitment, children grow up with a corrupted identity of themselves.
Worse than growing up in poverty, hard times or struggle is to awaken to an unknown self in which one is uncertain of his or her responsibilities and removed from the notion of family. Many children born into single-parent communities are already at this point.
The new chairman of the Subcommittee on the Federal Workforce, Postal Service and District of Columbia inherits enormous crisis and potential. The profound power Congress wields over D.C. affairs provides an opportunity to address the disintegrating American family through the introduction of programs that promote active roles for fathers and assistance programs that nurture togetherness rather than reward dissolution and disparity.
Let D.C. transform from the epitome of the problem to the example of how to fix the American family.
To take a line from the political left, children are a choice. They are not a requirement of a relationship. The choice to have a child carries important implications not just for the child but for the parents and society at-large.
Each time a child is born, it is an opportunity to shape morality, values and tell a story about who we love and who we are. In giving life, we are extending ourselves into future existence and leaving behind an example of the meaning and the beauty of life.
Building a family is a gift from two people towards life and humanity. In deciding that only half or less of that equation is needed to shape one, we are unequivocally phasing out the true meaning of love and life, man and woman.
Lisa Fritsch is a member of the national advisory council for the Project 21 black leadership network and a writer and radio talk show host in Austin, Texas.
Lisa, this is now an old story that has been lamented about for years now. At this point, give us the remedy, the solution. Rehashing the problem is no solution.
I don’t want to speak for Ms. Fritsch, but it’s obvious (to me at least) that the solution she is advocating is that it’s in the best interest of the child and society at large, for a child to be nurtured and raised by both parents, both mother and father, who are in a loving, respectful, committed relationship… ideally married.
I know in today’s society this is crazy talk… to ask people to make responsible choices, especially where children are concerned. This is a viewed as a simple-minded remedy or solution to the same “old story that has been lamented about for years now.” In our much more complex and sophisticated society, the preferred remedies and solutions which dominate this discourse, are more geared towards excusing and enabling irresponsible behaviour, as well as avoiding any expectation of personal accountability.
Whether we agree with them or not, the simple, obvious solution(s) are no longer being considered, and they’re even being missed when they’re clearly presented as the option.
Everyone knows the problem and how the problem was created hundreds of years ago and refined and disguised. So in agreement with Amenta let us just find the solution. Some would say that we need to start seeing ourselves from a caring standpoint so that we can heal and help one another. Agree?
Asa, I am in agreement that returning to a two parent household is “a” solution. Indeed, this and the returning to an extended family would, let me say should, resolve many of these issues.
IMO, we are not simply dealing with people making chioces that are to the detrimnent of societ but, we are dealing with a concept or philosophy if you will that preceeded these actions.
In that, we have to deal with a mindset that needs reschooling, to transform and this comes by re-newing the mind (took that from Romans…LOL.) We bloggers, DJ’s, Ministers, Teachers and other media have to work to try and change these concepts. I believe, the society we lament about is an evolution of the “free Love” movement of the late 60′s and 70′s. This has to be changed.
So, we are battling against a media that pervades our society’s minds with images of overt sexuality, hetero and homosexual. We are subjected to media and entertainment “icons” that live these life styles that make people believe its ok to live in such a way which may lend to people accepting such a life style and causes society to become a group creates just this “…the preferred remedies and solutions which dominate this discourse, are more geared towards excusing and enabling irresponsible behaviour, as well as avoiding any expectation of personal accountability.”
This concept or philosophy is what, I believe we should be attacking. At the same time attacking concepts that are geared towards excusing and enabling irresponsible behaviors, and atticking the bad behavior. So, I don’t disagree with Lisa but I just didn’t think she does not go far enough. Maybe we need to see more of this;
WARNING HARSH LANGUAGE IN THE VIDEO;
LMAO! The video was banging! However, I’m hoping that it never has to get to that point with me and my son. By then it’s possibly too late and I’ve failed as a parent.
I agree that there needs to be a renewing of the mind and that there are a variety of forces, such as the media, which we are continually battling against for the minds and hearts of our children. But I agree with Ms. Fritsch that it starts with the family. That’s the foundation to build upon… that’s the rock. How you build this foundation is more important than what you build upon it. If the foundation is weak, if it’s of sand, when the storms of life come… and they always come… then it’s more likely you’ll get swept away.
IMHO, it’s as simple as that… however that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Laying this solid foundation must begin by the decisions you make even before you bring a child into this world. It was important for both my wife and I to be married before we had children. We have no children from previous relationships. I joke with my wife that my paycheck doesn’t get piece-mealed every month…lol! We also ensured that we were financially capable of having a child and could provide a stable home environment. My parents and grand-parents were married and raised their family together in this way. They weren’t perfect and there were issues, but that’s the family model I was accustomed to.
My wife and I are present and consistent in the nurturing of our son. We are also very mindful of our interactions with each other. We are very careful what we say to each other and our tone,especially when we are having disagreements. He watches everything we do. We want to be his role models of how to engage in a loving and respectful relationship with others.
Furthermore, we are already laying into this foundation that we expect him to be responsible and accountable for his decisions and actions, although he’s only 3 years old. We are teaching him the choices he makes, good and bad, has consequences. We are teaching him to take responsibility for his actions, and when he messes up, that it’s ok, cause we all make mistakes, but be accountable, do what needs to be done to rectify the situation, learn from it and move on.
Most importantly, we are not raising him to have a “victim mentality”. We don’t make comments blaming society, the media, history, slavery, or the “white man” for any of the difficulties we may face. Such excuses didn’t cut it for our grand-parents, parents, neither for us, so that’s not the mentality we want to instill in him. I am cognizant of the fact that someday… sooner rather than later… we will have a conversation with him about the racism…overt and subtle racism… he will surely face. However, we are equipting him with the tools and mindset to not only overcome, but more importantly to succeed, to be a MAN, in this society.
As I stated above, all this isn’t easy. I wouldn’t claim that our way is the “best” or “only” solution to tackle this issue. The fact is we take it day by day. I’m can’t even say 100% for sure that with all the efforts of my wife and I, our son still won’t turn out to be a “fuck up”. But I do know that success or failure in life starts with the family dynamic. I do know that our son’s chances to navigate successfully through life is greater if we provide a loving, stable and loving family environment for him to grow up in. Everything else is just icing on the cake. Active parenting and having faith in God is what it’s all about.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
You summed it up well with Proverbs 22:6. Even if your son was to stray from the right way as a teen, (because the teen years are often hard) then after a while he would go back to the right way, because you and your wife trained him up in the proper way.
This video is hilarious! There’s something about a whipping that brings a level of humbleness to a foolish child.