The dream of the average Sudanese girl is to marry well and have a lighter skin. Lighter skin is viewed as beautiful (Sudan is not the only one in this case!). We bleach our skins, use lightening creams and use harmful skin-damaging products as long as we become “lighter”.

When my mother was young, she lived with her grandmother for 2 years because grandpa was doing his graduate studies in the United States. She was good friends with her aunts because many of them were her age. The result of early marriages of course. Almost all her aunts are light-skinned and so is her mother. My mum got her beautiful skin-tone from her father. She disliked it. It made her feel less attractive. She secretly envied them. One day, she had the most brilliant idea. At least she thought so. She went to have a shower and ended up scrubbing her skin so hard. She scrubbed and scrubbed thinking the black layer will go away leaving a smooth, light-skinned skin tones she always wanted. This didn’t happen. She bled instead. She moved on with her life but I don’t think she got over it. Ironically, she refused to marry a light-skinned, green eyes Sudanese and prefered my father.

When I was born, I was lighter than her and I had pinkish cheeks. People were amazed at this and my mother was pleased. Later on, I discovered that I inherited her inferiority complex but in another form. It was a typical African female problem. The Afro hair. I was blessed with thick very curly hair. I didn’t like it when I was a kid. Mabye because my mother and sister have long straight hair or mabye because my mother didn’t like it and she didn’t exactly hide that. My family didn’t hide this too. I often heard this from my aunts ” oh you have a nice skin tone, nice brownish color but you sure didn’t inherit your mother’s hair”. I have my Nubian grandmother’s hair, curly and thick. Curls that bounce back. It’s African hair. I’m not ashamed of it. Hair represents so much to people. It shows your heritage. But again, aren’t my people ashamed of their whole heritage? Why shouldn’t they be ashamed of their hair too?

Conversation with mother…
Mum: hey kizzie, we have a wedding tomorrow go straighten your hair
kizzie: why, I will wash it and put some cream. I like my curly hair
Mum: y not straighten it? it will look nice.
kizzie: you go straighten it, I don’t like doing so. It doesn’t suit me
Mum: well mine doesn’t need that, do whatever you want…

So..I’m back from California. I lived by the sea for a week and then next to Bass Lake for a week. We used to go swimming, rent a barbecue boat or just walk around. I’m back with a weird tan ( u know when your body is three different skin-tones) I’m brown and shiny.

Conversation with grandma…
grandma: god, you are darker! what happened?
kizzie: we went to the beach alot, cool huh?
grandma: whatever you say…..

I read an article written by a Nigerian intellectual once related to this topic. He basically blamed some African problems on our inferiority complex. He said that we think of ourselves as inferior all the time. Our self-esteem is low. IT IS. Caucasians are white so they must be happy. White is beautiful. Asians have nice hair. Straight hair is more feminine. Get over yourself people because you are not better than anyone and no one is better than you.

India Arie had to sing about it for people to realize you must be proud of your Afro hair. Toni Morrison had to write a book about it. I just had to experience it to know there is more to me than my hair or color.

Just so you know- 9/11 was condemned by many Muslims and it wasn’t even organized by the international Muslim community. However, the people who organized the attacks will most probably not pay for what they did but of course the moderate Muslims will suffer and pay for it.

I’m a young African Muslim belonging to a “terrorist-supporting” country (at least it is portrayed this way!). I was raised in a liberal and tolerant household and taught to respect other religions and cultures. I lived in many countries and I attended many international schools. Being a third culture kid, I love getting to know about new cultures and I love travelling! Sadly, in a post 9-11 world travelling is not as fun and comfortable as before. I ‘m not generalizing here…I should be more specific- travelling while “Muslim” or “Arab” is very discomforting now! In my case, not only Muslim but also Sudanese.Keep in mind that Sudan is one of the world’s least favorite countries, Bin Laden lived in my country for a short time and if I want to travel to America, I have to go through “special procedures” along with my fellow Iranians, North Koreans, Cubans and Syrians. Goodies!

Visas:-

My friends brother ( a 14 year old Sudanese boy who attends a prestigious American school here in Cairo) was denied a visa to Belgium a week ago. Ironically, his 29 classmates were given visas so he was the only person not allowed to go on this “school trip”.

I applied for an American visa a month ago. Please keep in mind that I’m going with 5 other Egyptian classmates and two American professors. My fellow classmates got their visas 2 weeks before me because my passport was sent to Washington for “Special procedures”. Of course, being a sophomore at university with a diplomat father..I’m definitely a danger to the American society!Anyways, I received my visa three weeks later only to o find out that my visa only lasted 3 months ( keep in mind: my friends visas lasts 5 years!)Additionally, I paid extra because of my “Special visa procedures”.

I’m not going to be surprised if I was taken to a special “interrogation room” at JFK! Everything is possible now.

 Airports:-

Turkey’s Airport (2004)- please keep in mind that I wasn’t travelling to Turkey (because I was denied a visa to Turkey of course!) but I stopped there on my way to Bulgaria. Anyways when we stood in lines ready to board the plane, I was surprised to find two lines. First line: Americans and Europeans Second line: Yes…THE REST OF THE WORLD!

I have to quote a fellow Sudanese blogger here who said that after 9/11 “airports are like big bedrooms”. Everybody is getting naked! Belts..shoes etc…. Not to mention the liquids confiscated!This is what I recall from Turkey’s airport. ..Not to mention the toilet I used many times during my 12 hours stay there ( I couldn’t leave the airport for some reason…go figure!)

All Eyes on the Muslim World

After 9/11, the Muslim world became very interesting. Middle-Eastern studies is a very popular major in America now. Not to mention the large numbers of western study-abroad students coming to the Muslim world for a semester or even a year( most of them are Americans). Many universities started offering Arabic language courses and learning Arabic will definitely land you a great job with the Department of State (I was told so!).I find it fascinating how the west is suddenly interested in the lives behind the veils, mosques, the political structure of Syria and life in post-revolutionary Iran.I was part of a web-conferencing program called Soliya last year. We met with four students from different universities in the United States and discussed the core problems between the United States and the Arab/Muslim world and other current issues such as the Palestinian/Israeli conflict and the Iraq war. This is just another way of opening dialogue between two very different parts of the worlds.

More about my American visa problems and frustrations.

 I started writing this post after I received my passport because I was frustrated and angry. I considered cancelling my trip because 1- I thought I was discriminated against because of something not in my hands 2- I don’t deserve this treatment after all, I paid a lot for this trip (yes Africans don’t like wasting their money:)  ) and I think I deserve it because I’m interested in the topic we are going to study and I’m not going to let the sour American-Sudanese relations stop me from going to graduate school there(America is home to amazing schools after all!)

However, I would like to add that if this trip was a “holiday”, I would’ve cancelled it.

Escape

Some 8,000 people are believed to be living as slaves in Sudan after being seized by Arab militias during the long war between north and south.

The war is now over and some ex-slaves have returned home. But most are finding life tough back in the devastated south.

Akuol Aguer Kuol arrived home in March 2007, after spending seven years in the north.

“I managed to escape with my children after I was beaten. My parents have died but I found my uncle. We had a big party.”

(2)

Paralysed

Marko Akot Deng Akot: “In 1987, the Arab militia came and attacked our village and took me.
My niece was also abducted but she was taken by a different man and I have not seen her since.

I had to look after the cattle, goats and sheep. I was only given left-overs to eat and sometimes nothing at all. One day, a cow went missing and I was beaten so badly that my right arm and leg are paralysed.

Now I want to go to school. As I am disabled, education is the only way I can get on.”

(3)

Twin

Abuk Atak Deng: “I was abducted along with my two brothers, Garang and Bol. But we were taken by different men and I have never seen them again.
Garang is my twin and I do not feel complete without him. A part of me is still missing.

I was forced to marry an Arab man, Abdoubhakir. I was 13 when I had my first child. He used to beat me and I always wanted to escape.

My chance came in November 2006. The first day back I slept the whole day – my first rest for ages.”

(4)

Rescued

Nyanjok Dor Ngor: “I was four when I was abducted in 1986, along with about 200 children from our village.

When I was 12, I was forced to sleep with my abductor and had a girl. Then I was given to his brother, Ahmed Tom, as his ‘wife’ and had three more children. He already had a wife and they both used to beat me.

In 2004, I was rescued by the police, along with three of my children. Ahmed tried to stop them but he was tied up. He came here to get me back but I don’t want to go.”

(5)

Sisters

Achol Dor Ngor(Nyanjok’s sister): “My abductor, Khalil, treated me very well. I only had to fetch the water.
He had a daughter and we were treated exactly the same. If he bought something for her, he bought just the same for me, too.

When the police first came, I wanted to stay with him but they forced me to come back and now I am happy to be here and see my family again.”

source:- www.bbc.co.uk

Here is a little something about slavery in Sudan. However, I have to do my own investigation too and I promise to keep you updated . I purchased books and I’ve found many articles about slavery in Sudan. In order to be objective, I’m going to read articles that prove the existence of slavery and other articles and books that deny its existence.

A Case Study in Sensationalism: Allegations of “Slavery” and “SlaveRedemption” in Sudan

One of the most damaging and recurring media themes with regard to Sudanhas been allegations of government-sponsored “slavery” and “slavetrade” in Sudan. As “proof” for this, a great number of newspaperarticles have “reported” instances of “slave redemption” in whichalleged “slaves” were said to have been “bought” back from “slavetraders”, stories presented to them by the Swiss-based ChristianSolidarity International (CSI). Articles essentially taking ChristianSolidarity International claims about “slavery” and “slave redemption”at face value have appeared throughout the world, and have beenpublished in several reputable newspapers and journals, including’Newsweek’ (27), ‘Time’ (28), CNN (29), ‘Reader’s Digest’ (30), ‘TheWall Street Journal’ (31), ‘The New York Times’ (32), ‘The WashingtonPost’ (33), ‘International Herald Tribune’ (34), ‘USA Today’ (35), ‘TheTimes’ (36), ‘The Observer’ (37) and ‘The Daily Telegraph’ (38).Important regional newspapers as far apart as ‘The Los Angeles Times’(39) to ‘The Houston Chronicle’ (40) have also repeated CSI claims.Reputable news agencies such as Reuters has also repeatedly reported CSIclaims seemingly as fact. (41) So have other news agencies such asAgence France Presse (42), Associated Press (43) and UPI (44). Severalregional news agencies have also run with the claims. (45) The BBC alsoconspicuously accepted CSI claims at face value, publishing numerousarticles citing their claims. (46) Christian Solidarity International’snewspaper propaganda outreach extended all the way down to school groupsin Colorado (47), radio talk show hosts (48) through to rock stars. (49)
The Canadian media has also been remarkably unprofessional in acceptingCSI’s controversial claims. ‘The Ottawa Citizen’ ran a five-day serieson “slavery” in Sudan. (50) In 1997, ‘The Calgary Sun’ ran an eight-part series uncritically citing CSI claims. (51) In April 2000,’Maclean’s’, Canada’s premier magazine, also ran an extensive, front-cover, CSI feature. (52)
Christian Solidarity International was also able to get its anti-Sudanpropaganda “theatre” onto American network television. The 1999 seasonpremiere of the CBS network show, “Touched By An Angel”, featured “slaveredemption” in Sudan. (53) By the show’s executive producer ownadmission, this episode was intended to influence the passage of anti-Sudanese legislation through Congress. (54) This CSI propaganda piece,based on claims of a CSI-style “slave redemption” of the sortsubsequently seen to be fraudulent, was viewed by an estimated 20million Americans.
The damage done to Sudan’s reputation by Christian SolidarityInternational’s claims of “slavery” and “slave redemption” in thatcountry is clear. Yet these claims have now been comprehensively exposedas fraudulent and untrustworthy. A Western diplomat in Khartoum statedthat CSI has “zero credibility” among mainstream aid organisations andthe United Nations. (55)
It should be noted that Sir Robert ffolkes, director of the Save theChildren (UK) programme in Sudan, an organisation at the forefront ofthe abductions issue, has publicly stated: “I have seen no evidence atall of slave trading. And believe me, we have looked”. (56) Sir Roberthas also said: “I do not believe the government in involved in slave-taking.” (57) Exposes of the claims made by CSI began to emerge asearly as 1999. (58) Also in that year, respected Italian priest FatherRenato Kizito Sesana, long active in southern Sudan, questioned CSI’sclaims. Writing in the Kenyan Sunday Nation, he observed: “When you knowthe reality of Sudan on the ground, you cannot believe that it ispossible to come to Nairobi from Switzerland, the following day hire aplane at Wilson Airport, fly somewhere in Sudan with a pocketful ofmoney and redeem 1,050 slaves. Somebody, somewhere, plays a dirtytrick.” (59) One month later, Father Renato added that he was “afraid”that CSI “might have fallen victims of some fraud perpetrated by localpeople, possibly with the connivance of elements living abroad who havesome more or less legitimate interests in the area. Only the Swissbranch of CSI is involved in the redemption of slaves. The German andAustrian branches, that were involved at the beginning, have withdrawn.What were their reasons? Did they smell a rat, too?” (60) In 2000, theCanadian government also clearly questioned the credibility of large-scale “slave redemptions” as claimed by CSI: “[R]eports, especially fromCSI, about very large numbers were questioned, and frankly not accepted.Mention was also made to us of evidence that the SPLA were involved in”recycling” abductees…” (61)
In February 2002, in an unprecedented international focus, and as theresult of some excellent investigative journalism, ‘The Irish Times’,London’s ‘Independent on Sunday’, ‘The Washington Post’ and’International Herald Tribune’, chose to publish, or republish, articlesexposing the deep fraud and corruption at the heart of CSI’s claims of”slave redemption” in Sudan. (62) These articles are the culmination oflong-standing concerns about the activities of several organisationsinvolved in what had become a Western-financed “redemption” industry inparts of Sudan. The claims by organisations and people such as JohnEibner and the Swiss-based Christian Solidarity International (CSI), andBaroness Cox’s Christian Solidarity Worldwide (CSW) themselves, to have”redeemed” tens of thousands of Sudanese “slaves” have been sharplycalled into question. ‘The Washington Post’ reported that in numerousdocumented instances “the slaves weren’t slaves at all, but peoplegathered locally and instructed to pretend they were returning frombondage”. (63) ‘The Independent on Sunday’ reported that it was able to”reveal that ‘redemption’ has often been a carefully orchestratedfraud”. (64) Rev. Cal Bombay, whose Crossroads Christian Communicationsorganisation in Canada had been involved in “slave redemptions” revealedthat SPLA leaders such as Dr Samson Kwaje, in candid comments about”slave redemption”, “doubted that even 5%” of the “slaves” had ever beenabducted, and that “they were coached in how to act, and stories totell.” (65)
‘The Irish Times’ reported “According to aid workers, missionaries, andeven the rebel movement that facilitates it, slave redemption in Sudanis often an elaborate scam.” ‘The Irish Times’ article also stated thatin many cases “the process is nothing more than a careful deceit, stage-managed by corrupt officials”.
In reality, many of the ’slaves’ are fakes. Rebel officials round uplocal villagers to pose for the cameras. They recruit fake slavers – alight skinned soldier, or a passing trader, to ’sell’ them. The childrenare coached in stories of abduction and abuse for when the redeemer, ora journalist, asks questions. Interpreters may be instructed to twisttheir answers. The money, however, is very real. CSI can spend more than$300,000 during a week of redemptions at various bush locations. Aftertheir plane takes off, the profits are divvied up – a small cut to the”slaves” and the “trader” but the lion’s share to local administratorsand SPLA figures.
In an open letter in 2000 senior SPLA commander Aleu Ayieny Aleu statedthat “slave redemption” had become a “racket of mafia dimensions”. Healso revealed, as an example, that one of his lighter-skinned relatives,SPLA captain Akec Tong Aleu, had been “forced several times to pretendas an Arab and simulate the sale of free children to CSI on camera”.(66) Aleu declared: “It was a hoax. This thing has been going on for noless than six years”. (67) This account, ‘The Washington Post’ stated,”coincides with descriptions of the scam offered by Sudanese officialsand Western aid workers, who said the sheer volume of money flowing intothe south made corruption inevitable.” (68) The newspaper also reportedthat “prevalent fraud is acknowledged by senior rebel officials”. Thenewspaper stated: “By many accounts, individual rebel commanders aredeeply involved in redemption scams”. ‘The Irish Times’ observed thatone SPLA commander has earned enough from the scam to acquire fortywives. (69) Other SPLA figures were said to have built houses orfinanced businesses with their cuts. (70)

‘The Irish Times’ further made clear that:
“[T]he warning signs have been there for years. Within the SPLA,whispers of suspicion have swelled into a chorus of criticism in recentyears. Acrimonious rows have broken out and accusations profiteeringlevelled at individuals. Outside the rebel ranks, aid workers have beenpuzzled. It seems almost incredible that tens of thousands of abductedcivilians could cross a dangerous frontline undetected by governmentforces. Moreover, aid workers north of the line saw no evidence of largemovements south, and their colleagues in the south saw no sudden demandfor extra food or medicines by redeemed salves. Put simply, the numbersdidn’t add up. And yet no questions were asked. The dollars rolled inand the redemptions continued. “
The issue of “slave redemption” fraud straddles several themes includingthe ability of pressure groups to get their stories into local andnational media. The self-styled American Anti-Slavery Group, based inBoston, has managed to place a number of questionable articles in localmedia.

I’ve talked about my identity crisis many times but this time it’s going to be different. I’m going to talk about my arabism and africanism. I’m a Nubian from the Sudan. Nubian’s are black Africans who inhabited North Sudan and South Egypt for over 3000 years ( yes we coexisted with the Egyptian Pharaohs!). When the Arabs came to the Sudan (previously known as Ethiopia), they mixed with some African tribes ( an Arab man would marry an African woman, usually the daughter of the sheikh of the tribe). The Nubians rarely mix with non-nubians. Although the Nubians never mixed with the Arabs, they were totally arabized.The Nubians were converted to Islam after 500 years of fighting with the Arabs  and Arabic replaced their language, nubian.

Why should I have an identity crisis if Nubians are just Africans?’

Well, we are not normal Africans, we are Arabized Africans. Yes, I’m very Arabized, people refer to me as an Arab. I think of myself as an Arab sometimes but again I slap myself back to awareness. I speak arabic, I am a muslim, I lived in the Middle East, I get along with Arabs, I’m always told I look like a gulf-arab, I have friends from almost every Arab country, I’m so involved in the Palestinian conflict….so where is my African heritage?

Let’s start by defining the term “Arab”.

1- a person from the Middle East and parts of North Africa.

2-According to the Quran, a person who is a Muslim and speaks Arabic as a first language.

So, should you refer to yourself as an Arab only if you have Arab heritage or if you speak arabic or if your country is part of the Arab league?

Some Sudanese have arab blood , our country is part of the Arab league, in the UN we are represented in Emro not Afro and most of us speak Arabic.

I guess I will just keep referring to myself as an Arabized African

I give up.

A confused sudaniya

She is outgoing, simple, colorful, always smiling.

She likes dancing, laughing, writing, talking (yes I’m very talkative!), blogging ,drinking flavoured tea and talking to witty grandmothers.

She is part of many activities such as, The Bussy project:- a club intended to empower women and raise awareness about women’s issues through creative means . I believe that people in my society are in denial, they see things happening infront of them but they prefer not talking about it. Apparently, being in denial makes the problem go away ( or mabye it makes them feel better!).

Yes, Sudaniya digresses alot and she is very sarcastic. She likes her religion but she prefers to read the holy book and not ask people who pretend they know all about religion but they have no idea. She hates the fact that fellow muslims interpret religion their own way. She can’t change that and she can’t change the world but she will make a difference, a slight one.

Dislikes: self-help books ( very sad!), sexism, racism, ignorance, conceited people and hypocrites, pesimistic people.

Likes: flavoured tea, pink tops, red candles, purple pens okkkk colorful things, indians, scarfs, open-minded people, female intellectuals, books, internet.

Sudaniya left Sudan when she was 2 because her parents couldn’t stay there for political and economic reasons. When she was growing up, she felt so distanced from her country and her own people. Being Sudanese for her was simply a “green passport”. She grew up in the Middle East and North Africa where she went to an international school. *Third Culture Kids*:). Sudaniya is a proud sudanese but she still considers herself a citizen of the world. She enjoys living in different countries and travelling around but she is hoping she can go back to her country someday and contribute in building her.

Favourite movies: love and basketball, the notebook, a walk to remember and hotel rwanda.

Favourite books: kaffir boy, my feudal lord, retribution, darfur, minaret, coloured lights, tell me your dream, we wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families, sudanese woman

Most of her blogs will be about Sudan and Africa. She will talk about slavery, racism, media n censorship, the government, Darfur and other crises occuring in the Sudan. She will base her posts on articles, personal opinions, information from her father , books and excellent investigation. She will accept criticism elegantly and will give feedback gracefully.

For now, enjoy reading her blog and feel free to indulge in her interesting collection of flavored tea *wink*

Wholeheartedly-Sudaniya